How many times have we heard that it's antinatural and even dangerous to "repress sexual impulses"? People who affirm that claim to be based on a very old psychological theory, of which they know little or nothing about.
We can feel intimidated when we hear that, and we may even believe in the talk that "it's not good to supress yourself"; or at least we may not know how to answer to that.
C.S.Lewis, a men of exceptional mind, made clear something which is important to understand: when you say "no" and set limits to others and to yourself; when, for a range of principles, you choose to reject some of your desires or impulses of your own nature, you're not in danger of creating a repression, as if you were a pressure cooker about to explode.
The author explains that you are only learning how to control your "nature" (in the sense of natural desire), so that you can guide and direct all of your strength and energy to one only goal: love and being loved for real and forever.
What does Lewis say about that "repression" idea people repeat all around?
"People many times don't understand what psychology means with "repression". It taught us that 'repressed' sex is dangerous. In that case, however, 'repressed' is a technical term: it doesn't mean 'suppressed' in the sense of 'denied' or 'forbidden'. A repressed desire or thought is what was thrown to the bottom of our subconscious (during childhood in general) and can only come up in the mind in a disguised or unrecognizable way. To the patient, repressed sexuality doesn't even seem to have a direct relation to sexuality.
When a teenager or an adult puts an effort into fighting a conscious desire, they are not dealing with the repression nor is taking the risk of creating it. On the contrary, people who seriously try to be chaste are more aware of their sexuality and soon start to know it better than any other person.
They end up knowing their desires just the way Wellington knew Napoleon or Sherlock Holmes knew Moriarty; like a catcher of rats knows rats or how a plumber knows a leaking pipe. The virtue - even the effort to reach it - brings light; the profligacy brings only brume." ("Mere christianity", Book III, 5)
Saying "no", establishing clear limits, learn how to master your impulses, is not repression at all.
One example may help us to understand the whole thing better.
Would it be "repression" to master a wild horse, put the reins on it, and turn it into a champion in running and jumping, and turn it into a loyal companion? Would it be repression to put the reins in your own nature when it asks you to follow your impulses?
Not mastering your impulses will only take you to ruin your life and the life of others. Self domain, however, will lead you to great victories. Don't we see that in so many athletes who "repress themselves" to reach their most noble goals?
Translated from: Aleteia
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